Goals

I think I was wiser at the age of 12 than I am now in one regard: goal-setting.

I made up tons of little goals and promises to myself.. everything from riding dolphins (which I would still love!) to writing all of the fun things I would do with my future husband- ha! 

There is something to say for having goals. My goals have been all but null and void the last couple years or so..  My focus has been scattered between just trying to feel normal again and feeling like their was not much left for me to aspire to (a lie from the devil himself). I haven't verbalized a whole lot of goals out of fear of not reaching them and then feeling like a failure. Well, I'm sure even the greatest people experienced a failure or two before reaching their goals, but that's just a guess ;) So, in light of this realization, I'd like to post a few goals or destinations I would like to arrive at in the nearer-than-not future.

But first, I have to write a couple fantasies I have that may be a little farther from reality, just for fun:

~ It has been a long day, emotions of yesterday are creeping in, and realities of today are a challenge. It was hard to go through the day trying to be okay.. so I come home and begin to play. Everything I wish I could say floats beautifully away from the piano in musical words I would never dream of being able to express. Whatever I am feeling lifts away like a prayer, released to the heavens to be turned into a beautiful masterpiece by the only One that has the power to surpass all understanding. 

~ I have gone to school to acquire the knowledge and skill I need to help anyone I want to. I travel to beautiful foreign countries and offer myself to those who have never known the luxury of so many things I take for granted every day. I make a difference for many only in the way a good friend would, with humility, wisdom, and determination. I am not well known, except for in the hearts of these special people that touch my life probably more than I could theirs.

~ Somehow, through this mess of a life, God enables me to have the understanding and words to speak to those who want to give up hope. Maybe they feel they are too far gone; they can't see their infinite worth, or they are so angry they don't know the difference. Truth is spoken and wounds in both of us are healed. This is the real, good life.

And finally..
~ It is a cool evening, the crowd is restless and ready for their show. We have been practicing for months. I pull on the last of my bright pink and black, spandex uniform. My entrance is nearing. I can hear the low rustle of the crowd and am filled with what feels like static electricity. The song begins, the curtains draw and I am behind him; one of six of Justin Timberlake's back up dancers.
... Okay, so I made this one up, but at least I got your imagination going! :)  


** Now, to be honest. I'd like to mention that these are fantasies that I have sometimes, when I am feeling whole and loved myself. Just because I enjoy helping others, does not mean that I cannot be a wretch. In fact I sometimes frankly suck at loving the people closest to me (why does it happen like that)? So, in the meantime I pray I will love my family and best friends in the best way I can.. :S


Okay, now for the fun and less serious goals:

- Healthier living. I have a MAJOR sweet tooth and simply enjoy almost any kind of food- but it is not a mutual agreement between me and my body. So, the goal is to find foods that are agreeable to both! This also includes a better workout schedule- I don't care if it's running, yoga, a walk, swimming or what have you, I just need more discipline in this area of my life. Which brings me to my next goal...

- To run a 10k!..... I can do it, I can do it, I can do it... Thomas the Train will be my inspiration.

- Become more diligent in my hobbies: art, craftsy-things, horseback riding, gardening, and cooking! I'd love to take some art/pottery classes. Who's with me?!

ANNNDDDD finally,

- Write a book- just kidding! (if I ever do this, and you read this statement I'll give ya 50 bucks, or a kiss, or ... a book!)


What are some of your goals/aspirations/fantasies?


Love ya!
Brenna 

the trouble with trouble

Ahhh Ray.. He knows how to soothe the soul.

So, the trouble with trouble is..

Well, I don't really have a straight answer for that, but I do know that for some reason, when it rains, it pours. And it seems that trouble has a lurking shadow. So what is our part in this? Do we contribute to this downward spiral at times? I believe so. No, I know so.

I will be battling within throughout this post because, well.. you'll soon understand.

Throughout some of my time spent with my elderly friends, I have come to the realization that everyone will go though some sort of trouble in their lifetime. Some much more than others, but nonetheless, everyone will have their woes.

Let me share how I have responded to mine. In few words, I can describe my behavior much like a child throwing a tantrum. Kicking and screaming, blaming others at times, intent on being unhappy and miserable no matter what anyone does for me, and believing that the world is out to get me. Pretty pathetic right? Here's why things are so difficult.. 

I am a human. I don't like things to hurt. Sometimes, an aching pain can make one feel like they are going to lose it. I yearn for understanding; to feel like I don't suffer alone. Anger is usually, if not always, a cover for a stinging wound. When a person is hurt, it can change the way they view the world, at least for some time. It is easy for resentment to set in. And, let's be honest, we all screw up, but who wants to deal with feelings of guilt and regret? They can be unbearable! This is why I struggle in writing this- because I am attempting to kick my own butt with my own wounded "foot". 

I think it's so important to talk, and write and pray about these things so that they do not have the opportunity to fester, and get horribly infected and ugly. No one is perfect, so we must learn to forgive others and ourselves in order to let God use us and to simply move on. We all need understanding.

I still struggle with stigmas. I wish people were more open to talking about their struggles, their heartache. How much more could we help each other if we destroyed our own walls and opened ourselves up to support and healing? Vulnerability is hard, I know. But we get so much farther with it.