Does it ever happen to you?
You know, the days it seems like nothing is going the way you planned, all of your insecurities and negative thoughts peek their little head into your mind, no one seems to want to answer your calls and you just figure that everyone must have simply forgotten that you existed...
Yes, this was me today.
I have to admit, because of my past experience and my current situation, I often times feel a tinge of sadness, but that paired with being alone for too long, and a laundry list of not-going-rights, I feel down right crappy.
I started making a sort of mental list of what I was upset about, things that gave me a right to feel the way I did. After a while I decided that this was more than I could handle, so I decided to think of a way to "release" some of the "pressure." So, while driving into town I let out a good, frustrated scream. Yep, I sure did. And guess what? It didn't really help. It just gave me a sore throat.
I blubbered and whined for a little bit while tears rolled down my cheeks, thinking of how wrong my life has gone in the past 3 years and all the crud I have to deal with because of it.. And then, I couldn't take it anymore.
I had to "woman up."
It's like all of the sudden I got tired of myself. Tired of spending all of my energy on my full-blown pity party. Now, don't get me wrong. Everyday is a struggle. Everyday I feel the grief of my divorce, and worse, my marriage. My failures creep into my mind on the daily. I have feelings that I pray for God to relieve me of.
BUT
I realized that there's no use in bathing in the toxic spring of self-pity. So much time and energy is wasted... and it leaves me no better off, simply bitter, and sore..
I want to feel like a strong woman again. I know that God can use all of these things for good if I allow Him to. Much rests on my ability to let go and accept my past, so that He can mold my future. At times like these I try to remind myself that God says:
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
-John 10:10
I thought I would share this with you all so that hopefully you can be encouraged in the fact that you aren't the only looney out there who screams in their car (maybe that's just me?), or throws massive pity paloozas for themselves. I think it's in our nature, but it's so important to realize that God has so much better for us.
And gosh he's cute isn't he?
