Plaza 10K

Guess whaaat??? 

I did it! I ran an entire 10K for the very first time!!!! 

It was an absolutely glorious morning.

And, I'm still alive and kickin'!

I had two goals on mind. One- finish without walking.. check. And two- to run it in less than an hour (not super lofty for all you running buffs)-double check!

My average pace was 9:22 min/ mile. I have to say it was not easy. The first few miles were fun and then the real challenge began.. Although I wish I could have been faster I am proud just for the fact that I finally forced myself to train for something and then accomplish it. It feels good. A few years ago I started to "train" for a 10K and frivolously gave up the idea  after I realized it would take more discipline then what I was ready for. I'm glad that I've come full circle. I feel that discipline is necessary for everyone, especially when times get tough. It gives you confidence in what you do as well as the ability to enjoy it for what it is. Even if you can't control how you feel about certain parts of your life at times, discipline allows you to take pride in something that you can. 

Mona Lisa.

Today is September 11th, 2013; twelve years after America's tragic World Trade Center bombing. It was a Tuesday. Do you remember where you were? What you were doing? I was in junior high, but Mom had stopped at a Discount Tire before she dropped me off at school. I sat there in the waiting room not sure of what I was watching..

I'm sure the people of New York 

felt the same way.

Why am I bringing this up twelve years later? Because I think it's important. If we don't occasionally remember certain things in our history how will we know how to act going forward? While working at Grace, my senior friends shamed me when they discovered the pathetic amount of American history I knew. Now, I understand why. They came from a generation of do-ers. The Great Depression and World War II defined a large part of their lives. They lost loved ones themselves, and watched others lose theirs. Their family fought hard for what they believed in. They gave all they had for our Country, just like our founding fathers did.

I come from a generation that has received the benefits and luxury fought for by former generations. I came into America stretching my arms out wide, and breathing in deep its sweet, free air. I don't know what it's like to lose someone to war. And I have been oblivious to the cost others have paid for my freedom. In school, it was hard for me to even imagine George Washington as a real person. He looked more like the painting of a stranger to me, like the Mona Lisa. Silly me. Stupid me!! I have so much to be grateful for; so much to learn from them...
However, I do know now that with freedom comes with great responsibility.

It is our turn to stand up for what is right; to continue to fight for what our founding fathers brilliantly built from the ground up. We have to, or it will most definitely be taken from us.

Memories.

It is so funny going back to places you haven’t seen in a long time. The memories and feelings you felt so long ago come flooding back along with the blunt and unavoidable realization that things have changed.

         Being back home, I’ve had plenty of these times come up, but today was different. Today it was so in my face that I had to find my old place of rest, Bluestem Bistro, and write. There was no way I could just drive home, not today.

          Exactly 2 ½ years ago, I said, “I do.” I committed my heart to a person and an idea that I believed in. A year ago on the 24^th I was divorced. So yes, things are different for me now. As I walked the familiar streets of campus to Justin Hall, a building where fond, now slightly painful memories linger, I found myself envying the naïve college students. I remembered the lightness and freedom of this time in my life. I remember the feeling of having my whole life ahead of me, and being so excited for it. I wanted to be naïve again. Part of me still wishes I could go back in time and start over. I feel like I have seen too much; experienced more than I bargained for.

         The purpose of my coming back to campus was to meet with an old professor of mine, to discuss the recommendation letter she will write for me. One thing that gives me comfort is the way my old professors, family, and friends still believe in me. Even though I took an interesting journey after college instead of going straight into grad school, they seem to think that I am no worse for the ware, maybe even better for it.

         Something that you gain through the mess of grieving and loss is the ability to empathize, to learn patience with others because of the patience others have shown to you. Nobody wants to trade a care-free, blissful life for a hurricane of crud so thick you can barely see straight, but it happens anyway, and there is always good that can come of it.

         I am currently in the search for the good, for the… “So now what?”

I hope and pray that God makes something beautiful of my mess, and I believe He can, maybe even something greater than my little mind had planned for itself.