Growing up, I became the type of girl looking out for wondrous "signs" from God. I went to a small Christian school in junior high, and tended to take everything I learned incredibly serious. There was no joking around when it came to God. Everything was pitch black or stark white. Everything was either really good or terribly evil... I was awkward. However, to my credit, I was passionate, and serious, like I said...
So, naturally with an eager, fresh mind, I was always looking out for things God could be trying to tell me. After all, a sign could be anywhere... Well today, that's changed. I'm not so eager and fresh, and honestly sometimes I feel like God is yelling at me (in His peaceful insistent way), while I blindly go on my way pretending not to listen... all the while thinking surely He's not talking to me. Now that you know some of my thought processes (you're welcome), I'll get to my point.
The other day I was driving to work (on a Sunday, which by the way should be illegal) and I decided to listen to a radio preacher (I don't so this often). To my surprise, he was pretty good. He talked about the way we all live feeling almost sorry for ourselves because (fill in the blank), and that our troubles are simply a part of life; surprise, surprise. The focus of his sermon was asking his congregation (or ticked off lady on the way to work), if we were truly ready to become a disciple, or true follower of Christ, because well, that pretty much means giving your life to Him- your whole life. It means throwing off anything that hinders us and serving for the Kingdom and His name... scary. The coincidence is, that I helped residents were I work to their Church service, and out pastor preached on the EXACT SAME THING.
Whether God orchestrated that specifically for me or not, it got me thinking. What all would I have to give up for Him? Would I be happy? Could I do the things I love? And, what exactly does all this look like? Unfortunately I don't have all the answers as of now, but I do feel a calling to pay attention; to maybe try to listen for His guidance, and actually pray about things in life. I think that maybe not everything has to be so horribly serious, except for loving Him- first.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Fall Flav.
I had to get in my yearly dose of fall flavor, here's what came of my little excursion..
Needless to say, it was a good time :)
No more rocks!
There is something so bittersweet about new beginnings. Some things will always stay the same, and some things, you guessed it, won't...
As I begin a new life in Dallas, Texas of all places, I am forced to have time alone. Time to reflect, and be honest with myself. Time for some reckoning. I've done some wrestling. Over the past two years, I've made a home, if only briefly, in 5 different cities. With each transition, I am forced to rely less on my surroundings, and more on myself; and hopefully, more on God.
Some say things can only get better after you reach "rock bottom." Well, I'm afraid it has taken God slowly dragging my sorry bum across rock bottom for me to finally say to myself, "Hey.. something isn't right here." I have joked with a certain pang of sad truth that while others touch bottom and propel upward, I have been caught in a trend of bouncing from what I thought was bottom to an even deeper abyss of ouch. Figuratively speaking, my butt is raw. I should probably start standing up again.
How does one do this you say? I'm still figuring it out, but I do know now that it involves learning to let go of even the tightest pulls in your chest, and thinking less about oneself... I know I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm learning to at least admire the trees.
Almost every new place I move to I find myself asking, "What am I doing here again?" And then I make a home, and friends, and God moves with me and does some cool things, and I'm better again. Sometimes it feels like I'm playing that trust game with God; you know, the one where one person stands behind you, and you have to close your eyes, hope they catch you, and fall back into their arms. Of course, He's a good catcher, but every time is a new fear to face.
On the bright side, I am learning so much. I'm learning a new meaning to the word "grace," and "humility," oh, and of course, "rock bottom.":) I've had the pleasure of sharing experiences with many people, and learned a lot through them. One silly analogy that someone told me comes to mind. He told me that when we experience difficult or challenging times, to think of it as mining for gold. The deeper you go/dig, and the harder things get, the more gold you will have in the end.
I have also appreciated Eleanor Roosevelt's quote: " Every time you meet a situation you think at the time is an impossibility and you go through the tortures of the damned, once you have met it and lived through it, you find that forever after you are freer than you were before."
It seems, that freedom, is not free.
Surrender however, is proving to be endlessly rewarding.
As of late, I have been meditating on this:
" Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world."
-Sarah Ban Breathnach
However much I desire to have control of my life, I am painstakingly learning that I can't, and that it is probably better that way.
So, here's to discovering the mercy in surrender, learning to admire the "trees" in the woods, and landing on something nice and fluffy- something nice on the buns. :)
As I begin a new life in Dallas, Texas of all places, I am forced to have time alone. Time to reflect, and be honest with myself. Time for some reckoning. I've done some wrestling. Over the past two years, I've made a home, if only briefly, in 5 different cities. With each transition, I am forced to rely less on my surroundings, and more on myself; and hopefully, more on God.
Some say things can only get better after you reach "rock bottom." Well, I'm afraid it has taken God slowly dragging my sorry bum across rock bottom for me to finally say to myself, "Hey.. something isn't right here." I have joked with a certain pang of sad truth that while others touch bottom and propel upward, I have been caught in a trend of bouncing from what I thought was bottom to an even deeper abyss of ouch. Figuratively speaking, my butt is raw. I should probably start standing up again.
How does one do this you say? I'm still figuring it out, but I do know now that it involves learning to let go of even the tightest pulls in your chest, and thinking less about oneself... I know I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm learning to at least admire the trees.
Almost every new place I move to I find myself asking, "What am I doing here again?" And then I make a home, and friends, and God moves with me and does some cool things, and I'm better again. Sometimes it feels like I'm playing that trust game with God; you know, the one where one person stands behind you, and you have to close your eyes, hope they catch you, and fall back into their arms. Of course, He's a good catcher, but every time is a new fear to face.
On the bright side, I am learning so much. I'm learning a new meaning to the word "grace," and "humility," oh, and of course, "rock bottom.":) I've had the pleasure of sharing experiences with many people, and learned a lot through them. One silly analogy that someone told me comes to mind. He told me that when we experience difficult or challenging times, to think of it as mining for gold. The deeper you go/dig, and the harder things get, the more gold you will have in the end.
I have also appreciated Eleanor Roosevelt's quote: " Every time you meet a situation you think at the time is an impossibility and you go through the tortures of the damned, once you have met it and lived through it, you find that forever after you are freer than you were before."
It seems, that freedom, is not free.
Surrender however, is proving to be endlessly rewarding.
As of late, I have been meditating on this:
" Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world."
-Sarah Ban Breathnach
However much I desire to have control of my life, I am painstakingly learning that I can't, and that it is probably better that way.
So, here's to discovering the mercy in surrender, learning to admire the "trees" in the woods, and landing on something nice and fluffy- something nice on the buns. :)
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